Frustration Turned to Relief

I'm sorry that I still have a manage to finish the entire story of the visit from the Germans. It is going to have to wait a little bit longer because I have a more important update from today.

I was supposed to have an appointment with my new caseworker this morning. At 9:30 this morning. Getting up for it was, of course, a struggle. DH told me his alarm clock would ring at 4:15 and he'd be getting up. I woke up at 7:20 and he was still in bed. I guess we were lucky that I woke up, because otherwise we would've run out of time. I woke him up and headed to the bathroom. I came back to do my stretches before taking a shower and of course fell asleep. He woke me up a little while later and I got moving.

He took care of the girls and made breakfast for both of us. I took a shower because usually showers help me wake up. I was still half asleep when I got out of the shower. But I managed eat breakfast and drink some of my tea.

Just about when it was time to start getting moving and hit the road, the phone rang. DH answered because we expected to be his friend who was supposed to come later and help him work on concrete. Instead it was my previous caseworker that we only ever talked to once. Apparently my new caseworker was sick and he was calling to cancel the meeting.

Before I managed to get too upset about that, he came up with some good news. He'd taken a look at my file before calling and was going to take responsibility for my case. Instead of rescheduling the meeting, he said that he would just take care of it with me on the phone. So I didn't have to drag myself in there with all my pain. Was such a relief that someone was acknowledging my pain. Then he said that he was going to just my function description to say that I had no possibility of returning to the workforce and send it in for pension evaluation. He says he's going to put a lot of weight on the fact that my doctor says my condition is stationary. I asked him about the problem with the one idiot that evaluated my problems to be psychological and that they could be repaired with a few years of therapy. He said that it shouldn't matter whether my problems were psychological or physical because in any case, I was unable to work. So instead of us continue to speculate what might need to be done he sent it in for evaluation and they can decide if the need be to see a rheumatologist again.

He also said I should be getting a copy of the paperwork tomorrow or the day after. So DH and I are so relieved. It is ridiculous, that is taken this long for someone to see it.

So after I got off the phone with him, DH calls his friend to tell him to come sooner. Then DH got ready to go pick up more cement in town. I took the girls and went to bed.

Shawnee stayed with me for about an hour, but she didn't settle down well. When she woke me up running off at the end of that hour, I put her in her crate. Then I went back to sleep with Molly. DH checked on me a few times, but I didn't get up until after noon.

Now he and his friend are hard at work on the concrete. I made them coffee and got some bread and stuff ready for them for lunch a little bit ago. I've also done most of the dishes.

However, I am still really really tired. It isn't that surprising, because with all the pain that I'm in my body gets really worn out. I also haven't been sleeping well for days because of hurting so much. The nerves about the meeting definitely weren't helping for the past few days. I am hoping things will settle down now, and especially that my case will soon be resolved.

Having me get onto the disability pension would be such a relief for both of us. I would have a lot more freedom than I have now, for example, I could go on vacation. It would also give us some idea of our financial situation and things could finally stabilize that way. It's a lot easier to make decisions when you know what you're going to be earning tomorrow.

A Very Busy Couple of Days

I know, I'm very behind in my blog again. I plan to write an update Saturday morning, but then some mail came that annoyed me. I suddenly didn't feel like it. Sunday we were out all day and yesterday I don't think I ever woke up. Today I feel much more awake and even like a human being.

DH had the girls out for a walk before I got up Saturday morning. Once I was up and functional and had my breakfast, he went out and got Ria for me. I groomed her and he saddled her up. Then he got the girls and we went for a walk together.

We headed for the beach and the weather was gorgeous. It was a little chilly but not very windy and the sun was nice and warm. I decided to try to get Ria into the water, something she's not usually very glad for. It took a good bit of encouragement, but finally got out in the water. The waves were small, but she was startled every time they broke on her legs. We ended up going out a little bit deeper and rode back and forth a while. By the time we came back up on the beach she actually seemed to be enjoying it in the water.

DH ran around a bit with the girls on the beach and Molly loves digging on the beach. We proceeded to the small stream that is on the south end of where we normally walk. Since things have been going so well with Ria, DH suggested I try crossing with her. It took a good bit of encouragement, but she did it. I praised her profusely and scratched her on the neck. Then we had to go back across and that went even easier.

The hard part was when we had to come back over the dunes to come home. They are very steep in that area. I was really glad I was riding in a saddle. At one point, we tried going to the edge of an extremely steep section where some of it was broken down. Unfortunately the edge broke under her foot so she really had to struggle to get up. At that I grabbed on to the cantle so that I wouldn't slide off because she was very vertical.

It was a really nice ride an especially nice to be out together.

After we got home I needed to rest some before we headed out for a western clinic in the afternoon. Unfortunately the good mood turned bad when I got a letter from the government saying that there are more problems giving me a disability because of the stupid idiots they sent out that decided that my problems are psychological. Even though the rheumatologist says that my pain levels are normal for my condition, they still believe there's a possibility of treatment because of that stupid doctor they sent out said so. I have no idea what's going to happen now, but it's very frustrating.

I crawled into bed with a book for a while and just tried to hide from the world. But I got it time to go, so I had to decide whether I was going with or sending DH on his own so I decide to get up. It's a good thing I did because my mood was much better by the time we got home. We were only there for a little while, but we saw someone we know ride. DH also got a chance to talk to the woman who had trained Daisy and Ria. We'll be sending Quintas down to her in July if all goes well and we can find the money.

We got home, we heated up the pork roast that we had made it in the morning and DH got potatoes ready to go with it. We went to bed early, exhausted.

Sunday was another hectic day. We went to my in-laws to help clean out some junk that they wanted to get rid of. We were also having a midday meal with them. I went out to keep DH company while he did the loading. As usual, I felt useless standing around watching so I ended up helping. With my usual stubbornness I did far too much. But I know that if I hadn't helped, we would have been there most of the day. Would also say the eat and things like that. I was in agony by the time we got home.

We had some odd trouble with the car as we left their place. It didn't want to turn to the left like the power steering was broken. We stopped at a grocery store to get some supplies and when we started the car afterwards it was fine again. DH stayed home yesterday but wasn't able to figure out what was wrong.

Yesterday, I never really woke up. I was in bed until 10 but I'd been trying to get up for several hours before that. I felt like my head was filled with cotton or fog or something that my consciousness was trying to claw its way through to the surface. Even though I was up and moving I felt like that most of the day. I did succeeded in making Bexican burritos for dinner. We're having the leftovers tonight.

After dinner, DH helped me finish a leather tooling pattern that I'd been designing for a while. It looks really great now, but I can't give you any details because it's surprise for one of my blog readers. I hope he'll be able to help me get the leather cut tonight so I can start working on it this week.

A little while ago, I was out with horses. Daisy has been doing well with only one meal a day, so we decided that I needed to go over and feed her every morning. DH prepared food last night when he fed, so everything was ready for me. The weather is extremely cold---we had frost overnight. I put on long underwear, my quilted overalls, and my heavy carharrt jacket. It's a good thing I did, because it started snowing while I was over there. Confident the Daisy would help me out if I needed it, I was able to sit down on the ground leaning against the horse shed while she ate. It was actually very nice to be out enjoying the weather. The other horses were dancing around up along the fence in jealousy. The threatening weather also brought out a lot of birds. Amazingly, Daisy ate most of the food that I had for her. She usually doesn't eat very well for me.

Now I am just resting and enjoying the company of the girls. Shawnee is napping on my legs, keeping my feet warm.